losing my mind... finding myself

if i was known for something growing up was for losing stuff. my mom would even say of anything that went missing that i threw it in the garbage...

ok, it's time to accept... it's time for me to accept many things.

yes... i lose stuff.

only in a week i've lost ( i later found it, thank goodness!!) my tithing, i lost the memory card that has all the pictures from isabel's b-day ( that's why you haven;t seen any yet) i've lost the camera, i've lost my car keys ( yet again), i've lost my cell phone...what else... the question is:

what haven't i lost??

everything but weight!! ( that would be nice).

i've lost my nerves, i've lost my cool, i've lost confidence...

all in a week...

it has been a hard week.

and on friday i just exploded.

much to my husband amusement. apparently i am hilarious in the middle of a nervous break down.

evan pushes me hard to talk.

i have a hard time opening up about my feelings.

i am too busy thinking about everything else to give any thought to me.

i don't want to acknowledge my feelings.

that's why.

but there is no escape.

it is hard to realize you're not as strong as you though you were... it is harder to be ok with being overwhelmed... it just sucks.

anyway... we did have some good time together on friday.

we had ( he had) to do lots of things, but instead we just cuddled in bed and had a meaningful, adult conversation ( much needed to this loner with kids here).

it was good.

fridays are extremely hard.

i have to be all week without my hubby and then the army takes him for the weekend and i just loose it.

especially because he doesn't get to sleep at home.

and so it hits me so hard that i get sick.

so now we're sick again.

the whole house.

just hoping evan doesn't get it bad so he doesn't miss classes and gets ready for the finals.

after that we had the first snow fall of the year.

i went to the temple for the first time to the spanish session with my ward and sunday and today we've been home trying to recover.

we'll see tomorrow... more of the same, i'm afraid, cuz i have zero energy and we are all dead.