I'm listening to "Lucky" right now and Carmen is singing in the background from the dining room in a very cute ( and high) pitch :D
It makes me smile... but I wasn't smiling a while ago... what has actually motivated me to write....
I was sorting laundry ( on my my least favorite things to do... but another thing that bothers me soooooo much is picking up toys/things from the floor... I hate it! so much!)... anyway, I was doing that when I hear a hard POOOOM...followed by a painful cry from Isabel and running steps ( I knew it was Evan). So what I see is blood all aver the floor, Isabel leaning on the Tv stand, just crying and gushing blood from her mouth (this happens a week after she bumped her mouth in the bathtub)... I was a mad woman... if someone had seen me I would be embarrassed. I confess I called Evan and up for him to see what he had done and I smacked his bum really hard as I held Isabel by the sink and tried to stop the bleeding. Now as I write I see the dried blood in my fingers....
I want to cry.... Now I feel sorry for Isabel, and for Evan...and for Carmen ( she got yelled at too, poor thing, she was just playing with her Nintendo)
I had Isabel suck on an ice for a while...she got a huge fat lip. I nursed her and she fell asleep. I held her for the longest time. I was so sorry she hurt like that... my poor baby.... it hurts I can't spare her from pain... and she will feel pain in her life, many times, and there will be sometimes when I won't be able to do anything to stop it.... and the funny thing is: there I was wanting my baby not to feel any pain but causing physical pain to my other baby.... ironies of life? the dangers of anger...
....It hurts not to be perfect, especially for my children. I wish I could multiply myself. One of me would cook, other will clean, other will run errands, and I will stay with my kids ALL the time.... that will be nice.
I asked them to forgive me. They are so loving, my dear children... when they saw me crying they gave me a huge hug...Carmen gave me an extra squeeze and said: "it is ok mom"...
Now Carmen and Evan are coloring on the table so happily and nicely together, so quiet, Carrie Underwood now playing... I love it. I love my kids, I love my life, I love the lessons of my life...
Now I have to get on with life... finishing laundry, putting things, cleaning bathrooms, moping floors... and start dinner...
you gotta love life :D
8 comments:
Esther, thank you for writing this. I'm glad that I'm not the only mom who loses it sometimes. I have times where I lose my patience really badly with Adriel, and I also think how embarrassed I would be if someone else were there. It is hard to be an imperfect mother to such pure children. The best thing is that you can say sorry and they are so forgiving. Poor Isabel! I bet she looked pretty cute with a fat lip though.
I totally agree with everything! Thanks for writing this.
Chelsea
Hay días que son un caos, pero pasan. Lo bueno de los niños es que olvidan pronto las cosas malas y siguen siendo feliz. Ya ha pasado el susto, ahora tranquila y quedate, como dices con lo mucho que quieres a tus tres niños. Un beso.
¡Te debiste de dar un susto tremendo! ¡Si mientras lo estaba leyendo me asusté! De todas formas, se nota que eres una mamá ya experimentada, porque... ¡jolines qué susto!
Si te contara yo todos mis percances...hija, son gajes del oficio!! Pero como ya somos experimentadas...estamos bien curtidas.
Jo pues no me acuerdo, quien pero creo que fue el profeta Monson, quien hablo de eso, fue en la reunion del sacerdocio. Yo tambien me tengo que controlar y no perder la razon, cuando me cabreo!!!
de E. Utchdorf:
May I invite you to rise to the great potential within you. But don’t reach beyond your capacity. Don’t set goals beyond your capacity to achieve. Don’t feel guilty or dwell on thoughts of failure. Don’t compare yourself with others. Do the best you can, and the Lord will provide the rest. Have faith and confidence in Him, and you will see miracles happen in your life and the lives of your loved ones. The virtue of your own life will be a light to those who sit in darkness, because you are a living witness of the fulness of the gospel (see D&C 45:28). Wherever you have been planted on this beautiful but often troubled earth of ours, you can be the one to “succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees” (D&C 81:5).
Si eres humana, y es lo que tiene... pero eres una de las mejores humanas que conozco.
Yo tb me quede con el mensaje del profeta al sacerdocio.... y patricia...the virtue of my life ???? supongo que tengo que pensar mas en ello :P pero gracias amiga... yo no se como decirte lo que ilumina tu vida!
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