warning; this is a long post. read only if you want to know the story of when i found out i was pregnant.

wednesday april 20th ....a day to remember.

in the morning, i had this interesting conversation with evan about having my sister tania's in vitro baby in my uterus.

i've thought long about my poor sister not being able to have babies and maybe this could give her one.

well... if you can imagine, that conversation turned into tears really fast.

so much crying kind of  took evan by surprise, and he kept saying that it was not normal, that it was because i was pregnant!

well... i was convinced i wasn't. we had done everything not to get pregnant. so it couldn't be.

any other time when i've been late i've freaked out about it, but this time being 5 days late seemed not to have that effect on me.

but going about the day i thought i would go to the doctor and make sure.

i dropped off lunch for carmen, had to get a few things, while i was waiting i went and had my eyebrows done... and then i wasn't sure i had so much time before i had to get carmen from school.

but i decided i could squeeze the doctor, so i went.

even there in the bathroom peeing in the cup, i was totally convinced that it couldn't be.

the doctor came in the room and said: "Positive".

i asked: "positive, what??

"positive, positive you're pregnant"

breathe deep.

breathe deep...

or just cry.

so i did.

poor isabel sawmy tear and came to my side to console me.

evan asked me what was wrong, and told him there was a baby in my belly.

"really??" he said with a big smile on his face...and then he hugged me ever so gently.

i sometimes wonder what the doctor thinks about me.

always on my own with the 3 kids.

and now a 4th.

he asked me what i wanted to do about it.

i can't believe someone could commit abortion. and even make the decision right there without even telling their spouse.

so we got an appointment for a blood test and ultra sound, but he told me to wait at least 2 weeks to have it done.

needless to say i cried all the way back to carmen's school.

when i got there i told my friend paula and cried a bit more.

when evan got home i had no intentions to tell him, but he did remember to ask me if i had gone to the doctor.

but i told him i hadn't. no time.

but then i told him that no i wasn't pregnant, but the doctor prescribed me something to go get the paper in my bag.

he saw the blood test, and then read in the ultrasound "FIRST TRIMESTER".

he looked at me... 

"you're pregnant!"

"yes"

" but...for real!"

real...seemed so unreal...but yes, for real!

we got in our room and talked about my feelings.

to tell you the truth i didn't know how to feel.

i always knew i would have a fourth...but now?

i was a bit confused.

after that much crying i fell asleep, while evan looked on line for s new car that would sit our 4 kids.

that nap felt good.

i woke up, with a much needed sense of peace and actually JOY about this.

the only thing i feared was my family's reaction.

but i told tania ( i knew she would be positive about it) and i asked her to please tell the rest.

the least thing i need is to hear negativity, not when it is something i am so happy about.

i let some days go by before actually talking to my mom.

by then she had come to terms with the fact and it wasn't that bad.

we talked on skype with evan's parents that are serving a mission in tobago, and they were so excited. they come back in december, and my mom-in-law said: what a beautiful welcome home present!

she is my hero.

anyway...everyone around me is so excited so that makes me really happy.

i am really really happy.

i can't wait to meet my baby.

i can't wait to find out who it is. 

we are hoping for Jonas Isaac.

if it is a girl we don't have a name yet.

my choice will be micaela  (my dad's mother's name) or manuela ( my dad's sister's name....see, he has three sisters: an isabel a carmen and a manuela....so it will be perfect!) but evan is not  on board! he is such a party pooper sometimes!

oh well.... ideas???