hoping for a miracle... or two

my mom is sick.

well, i knew that she got dengue in Honduras and she had not been feeling well since then. like she never really recovered from that. but i didn't know she was really sick.

she called me last week and could only speak with her for two minutes . she could barely talk, she was so tired and so in pain. 

she called to let me know that doctors had found out she had 3 cysts in her thyroid.

they were going to start tests to find out if they were benign.

i hung up the phone and i  cried.

my mom is so helpless and i am so far away from her.

immediately we started a family meeting and started brain storming about ways we could earn and save money to go to visit her.

everyone contributed with ideas.

we're going to work hard to be able to do it. 

with such a big family we need $6000!!!

how can we do that???

hence.... my hope for a miracle.

in my heart i knew she had to go back to spain. she'll have better care and better medical options there.

and again... my hope for another miracle.

hoping it won't be cancer.... although her mom died of cancer, her dad died of cancer.... i can only hope it is not cancer! she can't have chemotherapy because she's allergic to an element in it.

hope that whatever it is i can see her again. that's all i want.

that's all i want!

they got to spain today. 

i callled but couldn;t speak to them cause they were sleeping.

tomorrow they have her first appointment with the doctor. get a biopsy rolling..... kind of makes me feel better.

but i am still worried. very worried. i have spoken with 2 people about it. and i didn't want to mention anything to anyone, but i need the prayers of everyone that might care. 

i'm having such a hard time.

i've cried too much. i'm so worried.

carmen heard me cry last night. she told me. she said she prayed for me. i told her that helped me so much. she gave me a hug. she said she wished she could hug me all day long to help me feel better.

evan jr said that i cry because i'm sad i never get to see my parents. 

he also said he wished we could have a baby already so he/she would be able to meet "abuela" before she dies. 

there is nothing like family.

nothing.

there's nothing like my kids kindness and sensitivity.

they touch me so deeply.

i don't know what i would do without them.

so ... we keep praying, and we keep hoping.

the different scenarios are always in my mind. always thinking about what i  would do...

and in all the possible outcomes, i need more than faith.... i need money....

but even thought i have no money, i know that the blessing to have sometime with my mother will come. the opportunity for my kids, especially isabel that has no recollection of her, to have some time with their grandma will come.

we all want it so bad.