Bad News

I"ve written three sentences and erased them three to start this post.

I really don't know what it is going to come out and how, or if it will make any sense... all I know is that for the last 3 days I've been crying none stop.

I got really bad news on monday night.

Someone called at 2 in the morning. I didn't get up to answer., but they called again.

It was my mom.

My uncle Pablo had passed away minutes earlier.

I called my aunty Manuela. 

Bless her heart.

She said to me: "Esther, you're not going to see uncle Pablo again"....

It broke my heart.

My dear auntie, was asking me about my babies... then she couldn't find strength to talk any more. 

I just told her I loved her, and that my parents were on their way to be with her.

Oh, how much I would love to hold her and tell her everything will be ok.

Oh, how terrible it is to be far away.

This is the first time that someone so close to me has passed...

I wish you all could have met him.

He was so funny. He was always making us laugh.

He was really cheeky. It bugged my auntie sometimes, but he was so lovely even she couldn't help but melt and surrender to his charm and laugh.

He really loved my auntie.

I think that's what I'll treasure most about his memory.

He really loved his wife.

He really loved his children, and grandchildren, and us (my sisters, brother and I).

He really did.

Next time I see them things will be different.

I will miss him.

But I know I will see him again.

He hasn't disappeared. He still is.

I can't imagine what kind of despair she's going through if she thinks he is no more.

All the memories and love they shared is all lost and forgotten.

I can't imagine.

I am really sad. 

I am so sad I can't be with my family right now.

It makes me really sad.

I've always dreaded this day when I will lose someone I love and I couldn't be there.... and that's what is happening right now.

It is harder than I thought.

Nothing can really prepare you for it.

I've made a busy week to see if it helps me get my mind off of this....

so far....

it's is hard.