Sunday, November 28, 2010

Celebration

9 years....
it's been 9 years.
I am different for what happened 9 years ago.
9 years ago I was stepping into the unknown....it wasn't scary though.
I had FAITH.
In fact I had a lot of faith.
Faith that out of my year and a half of sacrificing my will, my time, my all for the service of my Savior I would become His messenger and He could use me to bring souls unto Him.
He did make of it more than I could have ever dreamed of.
He blessed and continues to bless me for the little I did.
And I knew it was little, but I gave it my all.
He didn't deserve less.
It was the best thing I have ever done.... the one thing I can be proud of.
And I am eternally grateful He carried me through the hard times, gave me strength, guided me, loved me....changed me.
I would go back in time any second.
I still dream I am on the mission again.... and couldn't be happier.
I loved it.
I absolutely loved it.
I am so happy He called me... and that I answered.
He is truly a god of miracles.
He stands today at the head of His Church... the only true and living Church.
I testify of its divinity.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

muuuuy heavy

Today our other fish died.
How can our "Sally" be so mean???
This is too much.
That's it.
She is never going to have any friends.
She's a loner for the rest of her days..... but I am still going to be nice to her.
I'll feed her, and clean her "house".... even "meaners" need love.

She is really teaching me more lessons than I anticipated.
Poor Sally.
Always angry, always bossy ( I wonder if that's how my kids see me :S)...
I'm determined not to be like her.
I'm determined to do better.... to be better.



Monday, November 22, 2010

losing my mind... finding myself

if i was known for something growing up was for losing stuff. my mom would even say of anything that went missing that i threw it in the garbage...
ok, it's time to accept... it's time for me to accept many things.
yes... i lose stuff.
only in a week i've lost ( i later found it, thank goodness!!) my tithing, i lost the memory card that has all the pictures from isabel's b-day ( that's why you haven;t seen any yet) i've lost the camera, i've lost my car keys ( yet again), i've lost my cell phone...what else... the question is:
what haven't i lost??
everything but weight!! ( that would be nice).
i've lost my nerves, i've lost my cool, i've lost confidence...
all in a week...
it has been a hard week.
and on friday i just exploded.
much to my husband amusement. apparently i am hilarious in the middle of a nervous break down.
evan pushes me hard to talk.
i have a hard time opening up about my feelings.
i am too busy thinking about everything else to give any thought to me.
i don't want to acknowledge my feelings.
that's why.
but there is no escape.
it is hard to realize you're not as strong as you though you were... it is harder to be ok with being overwhelmed... it just sucks.
anyway... we did have some good time together on friday.
we had ( he had) to do lots of things, but instead we just cuddled in bed and had a meaningful, adult conversation ( much needed to this loner with kids here).
it was good.
fridays are extremely hard.
i have to be all week without my hubby and then the army takes him for the weekend and i just loose it.
especially because he doesn't get to sleep at home.
and so it hits me so hard that i get sick.
so now we're sick again.
the whole house.
just hoping evan doesn't get it bad so he doesn't miss classes and gets ready for the finals.

after that we had the first snow fall of the year.
i went to the temple for the first time to the spanish session with my ward and sunday and today we've been home trying to recover.
we'll see tomorrow... more of the same, i'm afraid, cuz i have zero energy and we are all dead.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Surviving

Resulta que Carmen queria un pez por su cumple. Yo q no quiero mascotas en casa, pues accedi ( porq no veas que plasta la ninya).
Justo le regalaron un pez Beta, que tiene que estar solo porque es peleon y nadie puede convivir con el.
Pues Evan Jr, entendiblemente, como ninyo q es, tb queria uno. Pues mi buen senyor marido fue y averiguo que hay unos peces q los llaman "sobrevivientes" que si pueden cohabitar con los Beta... asi que compro dos.
Desde el principio observamos que el Beta siempre era el primero en pillar comida, y si alguno de los pequenyos se acercaba se encargaba de mostrarles quien era el jefe. Pues los pobres tenian que esperar a que el grandullon se llenara para comer ellos.
Pero, incluso uno empezo a atacar al otro... hasta tambien evitarle comer.
Vimos que no iba creciendo como el otro, incluso mi marido profetizo que se iba a morir.
Hace unos dias tb vimos que le habian comido parte de su cola, que estaba como mordisqueada.
El pobre ya ni nadaba. Se quedaba por abajo de la pecera.
Pues esta manyana,, le vimos muerto, flotando entre las plantas.
No me gustan los animales, pero se me saltaron las lagrimas.
Q pena! Pobre animal.
Antes no queria animales en casa pero ahora menos. Q pena!!
Ahora bien... voy a decir dos cosas acerca de tener animales confinados. Cualquier sitio que no es su casa, su habitat, su amibiente: NO ES SU CASA.
Igual que cualquier persona con la que hables que viva en cualquier lado q no es su casa, su familia, su ambiente, su cultura, aunque sea en mejores circumstancias o situacion economica, o con mayores niveles de vida... lo que quieras.... NO ES SU CASA. ( Experiencia propia)
Pero aqui va lo que mas me ha hecho pensar.
Sobrevivientes.
Era un sobreviviente.
Pero no sobrevivio esto.
Quiza fue la traicion de un "amigo", la soledad, su impedimento fisico... o la combinacion de todo...
La otra:
Soy una Beta??
Una de esas personas con la q es imposible vivir??
Prefiero ser un sobreviviente :D
Y mi linea de pensamiento me lleva a esta escritura:
"... porque nadie es aceptable a Dios sino los mansos y humildes de corazon; y si un hombre es manso y humilde de corazon, y confiesa por el poder del Espiritu Santo que Jesus es el Cristo, es menester que tenga caridad.
Y la caridad es sufrida y benigna, y no tiene envidia, ni se envance, no busca lo suyo, no se irrita facilmente, no piensa el mal, no se regocija en la iniquidad, sino se regocija en la verdad: todo lo sufre, todo lo cree, todo lo espera, todo lo soporta.
Por tanto, amados hermanos mios, si no teneis caridad, no sois nada, porque la caridad nunca deja de ser. Allegaos, pues, a la caridad, que es mayor que todo, porque todas las cosas han de perecer."
Moroni 7:44-46.

La caridad todo lo soporta.
Todo lo sufre...
Si no tengo caridad no soy nada.
Pasaremos de todo en la vida.
Cada uno lo suyo.
Y ante las dificultades, CARIDAD hace la vida mas placentera.
Caridad.
Caridad es lo que me ha ensenyado mi pequenyo SURVIVOR fish :D

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Birthday Girl

Isabel turns 2 today!!
Two already???
She is so big... yet she is my baby.
She still asks me to nurse like a mad woman, she still wears a diaper, she doesn't even talk yet... like we've heard her say things before and she won't say it again!
She still sleeps with us.
She is super bossy, everything has to be her way or the highway.
She gets so mad sometimes all she wants to do is pinch you so hard so you'll hurt.
I guess this was supposed to be all goo things :S
Don't you just love babies???
She is hilarious!
It is all the little things, the gestures on her face, the times when she grabs my bag and puts on my shoes ( the tallest high heels she can find) and waves goodbye and blows kisses and says bye-bye! The times she comes to the bathroom with me so she can sit on my lap when I do my business, or when she pretends to put on make up and says: guapa!
How she loooves shoes, the look on her face when she's doing something she's not supposed to, or when she finds something hilarious on the tv and starts laughing and tries to tell you what it is in her baby talk. Or when she says LOO for look!, or when her hair is all over her eyes and she has to look up to be able to see you. The times when she'll just start singing her made up songs that are so cute. Or when she is sad and you hug her she'll pat your back.
I love to cuddle with her little soft squishy body.
I am so happy I had her.
With her, and because of her, I've learned that I love to be a mother. That there is nothing else I'd rather do.
I struggled before with the thoughts of going to school, or work, or even just do things for me just for fun... but no. I want to be the mother of my kids. They are my happiness.
And with them I feel complete.
Everything else has moved down the list of my interests.
That's what happens when you're in love.... and I am in LOVE!
I've been in love with them even before they were born!
Happy Birthday to my dear Isabel...
I hope to celebrate many more by your side!




Monday, November 8, 2010

Amigos! pero que pasa???

That's a quote from Sid the Sloth in Ice Age 3. Maria and Jane ( my nieces) came for a sleep over and once they found out what that meant, they kept saying it over and over.
It is hilarious to me when somebody with ZERO idea of Spanish practices all they know with me.
It is just funny. It always makes me smile :D
I speak with an accent, they probably think I sound hilarious too... though Evan keeps saying my accent is sexy ;P
Now that I go to the Hispanic Ward they also pretend to speak with my Spanish accent.... and they always suck!! They want to speak with the "zeta" sound and they always use the Z in the S!
I love my ward!
We had a talent show last Saturday. Carmen sang with me and then I sang on my own. Evan Jr wanted to do break dance, but he backed down on the last minute. Evan had to work -but don't get me started on what I think about spending the whole weekend on my own :( ...
I invited some friends and it was fun!
On Sunday I got my calling: Secretary in the RS... a first for me. But I'm super excited to work with the amazing ladies of the ward... and I must mentioned I got the most beautiful blessing.
I am also in charge of the women's choir and it seems I'll be playing for everybody else's musical numbers. Every Wednesday I am at the Church in every kind of activity -meeting, I am super excited!That's all I've known growing up: total involvement in the ward, so... I am loving it!
Anyway.... December is coming fast and I can't wait!!!
I am super excited about Christmas. Since we decided to go down to the Leonard's ( Our most favorite family... it's as if we were truly family) son's wedding that's all I can think about!